'Tis the Season for Stress: Transform Stressed to Blessed This Holiday Season
I hear it every year around this time: "I should be enjoying this time of year, but I just feel overwhelmed by the mental load of it all." If that resonates with you, you're not alone, and you're not failing at the holidays.
The pressure to create picture-perfect memories while managing your regular responsibilities, plus the added weight of shopping, cooking, hosting, and keeping everyone happy, can push even the most resilient person to their breaking point. Let's talk about why the holidays hit differently when you're a parent, and more importantly, what you can actually do about it.
Why the Holidays Feel Heavier for Moms
There's an invisible workload that falls disproportionately on mothers during the holidays. You're often the one coordinating schedules, preparing meals, buying gifts, managing family dynamics, and trying to make the season magical, all while likely still doing your regular job and parenting duties. The emotional labor alone makes the most wonderful time of year feel not-so-wonderful.
Plus, there may be deeper struggles too, like grief that feels more intense during the holidays, financial anxieties that come with a big life change, or the loneliness of celebrating traditions differently because a relationship has ended. It's the perfect winter storm for burnout.
Tangible Coping Tools You Can Use Right Now
1. The Perfectionism Release
Grab a piece of paper and write this down: "I am releasing perfectionism this holiday season." Put it on your fridge, your bathroom mirror, or take a photo and make it your phone wallpaper. When you catch yourself spiraling about homemade gifts or elaborate decorations, read it again. The store-bought cookies are fine. The simpler menu is fine. Your kids will remember that you were present and calm, not whether everything was Pinterest-perfect.
2. The Two-List System to Stop from Shoulding All Over
Get two pieces of paper. On one, write everything you think you "should" do this holiday season. On the other, write only what would genuinely bring you or your family joy. Now compare them. How many items on the "should" list don't appear on the "joy" list? Those are the first things to let go of or delegate.
3. The 10-Minute Reset
When you feel the tension rising, set a timer for 10 minutes and do one of these:
Step outside and take deep breaths, focusing on the cold air in your lungs
Lie on the floor with your legs up the wall (surprisingly calming)
Write stream-of-consciousness in a journal without editing yourself
Listen to one complete song that makes you feel something other than stressed
The key is having a short, defined window to reset your nervous system. You're more likely to actually do it when it's not a major time commitment.
4. The "Not This Year" Phrase
Practice saying this out loud: "That sounds lovely, but we're not doing that this year." You don't need to give a lengthy explanation. "Not this year" is a complete sentence. Use it for:
Events you don't have capacity for
Traditions that feel burdensome rather than meaningful
Requests from others that add to your plate
Anything that makes you feel dread instead of anticipation
5. Calendar Check List
This comes from Santa’s making a list and checking it twice. Take a look at your calendar for the next few weeks. For every commitment, ask: "If this were happening today, would I be excited or would I be looking for an excuse to cancel?" If it's not an resounding yes, consider whether you truly need to go. Sometimes we commit to things in advance that we would never say yes to if they were happening tomorrow.
6. The Five-Senses Grounding
When anxiety spikes—maybe you're in the middle of a chaotic family gathering or a crowded store—use this quick grounding technique:
Name 5 things you can see
Name 4 things you can touch
Name 3 things you can hear
Name 2 things you can smell
Name 1 thing you can taste
This interrupts the panic spiral and brings you back to the present moment.
7. The Bare Minimum Day
On Sunday, my toddler did not change out of his pajamas. He actually changed into different pajamas and told us he was just going to have a pajama day at home. Lean into this toddler wisdom and plan at least one "bare minimum" day during the holiday season where the only goals are: everyone gets fed (even if it's cereal for dinner), everyone gets sleep, and everyone stays safe. Everything else—like getting out of pajamas—is optional. Mark it on your calendar. Protect it fiercely.
8. The Body Scan Check-In
Twice a day, pause and scan your body from head to toe. Where are you holding tension? Are your shoulders up by your ears? Is your jaw clenched? Are you holding your breath? Just noticing is the first step. Then consciously release what you can. Physical tension amplifies emotional stress.
9. Fold Forward
Literally fold your body forward. This gentle posture helps release tension in the neck, shoulders, and back while activating the parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) system, which invites the body to slow down, soften, and feel safe. Start by standing tool and gently bending your body forward, letting your arms and neck hang heavy. Breathe here for a few moments and then slowly rise back up with your neck and head being the last to come up.
10. Dealing with Partner Imbalance
When you find out that Santa’s little elves are not so helpful you need to have an honest conversation starter with your partner or loved ones. Try this script: "I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything on my plate right now. Can we sit down and list out all the holiday tasks, then divide them more evenly? I need your help to actually enjoy this season."
Be specific about what you need. "Would you be willing to handle all the gifts for your side of the family?" is clearer and more empowering than "I need more help”.
What to Do When You're Already in Burnout
If you're reading this and thinking "I'm past the point of coping tools," that's a sign you need more support, not a sign that you're failing. Consider:
Talking to your doctor about whether you're experiencing depression or anxiety that needs clinical attention
Reaching out to a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health
Being honest with your partner or support system about how much you're struggling
Giving yourself permission to scale back drastically, even if it disappoints others
Your mental health is not a luxury—it's a necessity. Your children need a present, regulated parent far more than they need elaborate holiday experiences.
Take Back the Magic
The culture around motherhood suggests that the holidays should be effortless magic that we simply conjure through sheer love for our families. This is a lie. The holidays are work, and it's okay to acknowledge that. It's okay to be stressed. It's okay to not love every minute of it.
You are doing enough. In fact, you're probably doing too much. This season, the greatest gift you can give your family might just be a version of yourself that's happier and less depleted. Afterall, you are the magic of the season.