Steps To Process Your Feelings When Struggling With Infertility

When you're dealing with infertility, the emotional weight can be heavy and unpredictable. You might feel sadness one day and frustration the next, sometimes even at the same time. It's a deeply personal experience, and nobody can fully understand what you're going through unless they’ve been there. What makes it even harder is that these feelings often come with lots of silence. People don’t always know what to say, or they say the wrong thing, and that can leave you feeling isolated and misunderstood.

Giving yourself space to actually feel those emotions is a gentle but needed step. Many people try to stay strong or push those feelings down, hoping it’ll be easier if they don't deal with it right now. But that kind of stress adds up. Learning how to process what you’re going through can help bring some clarity and calm to what otherwise feels like chaos. Talking with a therapist, especially one who understands reproductive mental health, can help make sense of everything. You're not expected to do this alone, and you don’t have to carry everything inside.

Acknowledge Your Emotions Without Judgment

One of the first steps in processing complicated feelings is to actually let them show up. It’s okay to feel disappointed, bitter, hopeful, angry, ashamed, or even numb. None of those emotions make you weak or wrong. They’re a natural response to a hard experience. Recognizing what you're feeling doesn't mean you’re giving up, it just means you're being honest with yourself.

You may notice some feelings showing up more often than others. Here are a few common ones:

- Sadness that goes beyond tears and whispers quietly during quiet moments alone

- Anger that pops up when other people seem to get pregnant without effort

- Guilt, even though this isn't something you can control

- Jealousy that surprises you and leaves you feeling uncomfortable

- Confusion or feeling emotionally stuck, unsure of what comes next

Most people experience a mix of these. And though it may seem easier to ignore what hurts, these emotions usually demand attention in some way. Journaling can help pin down what you’re truly feeling. Try writing for five or ten minutes without worrying about spelling or grammar. Let your hand say what your mouth can’t.

Talking with someone safe can also be helpful. That might be a friend, a partner, or a therapist. Hearing your own voice share what’s been locked inside can lift a little bit of the weight. You don’t need to come with perfect words. Just starting is enough.

This process takes time. Some days you'll feel more open than others. And that's okay too. What's important is giving your emotions a seat at the table instead of forcing them into the background.

Find Support Through Individual Therapy

When the emotional side of infertility starts taking a toll, having a private space to process everything can make a big difference. Individual therapy offers a place where you’re not judged, interrupted, or rushed. You get to speak freely, and sometimes that alone feels like letting out a breath you've been holding for way too long.

A therapist who understands the reproductive journey can help untangle all the thoughts and patterns that tend to show up during this time. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking something like, “Maybe it’s my fault” or “Why is this so unfair?” therapy is a space where that starts to make more sense. You're not alone in those feelings, and you don’t need to figure them out all by yourself.

Therapy isn't about giving you a to-do list or telling you how to feel. It's more about sitting with you in the middle of everything and helping you explore your emotions at your own pace. You can start to understand how your fears, hopes, and losses are connected and how they affect your daily life, your thoughts, and your relationships.

When looking for a therapist, consider one who specializes in infertility, grief, or reproductive mental health:

- Search therapy directories and filter results by specialty

- Look for language on their bio that mentions fertility, loss, or reproductive health

- Ask if they’ve worked with clients facing similar experiences

- Don’t be afraid to speak to a few before choosing someone who feels right

Trust builds over time, and even just a few honest sessions can help bring some relief. Everyone deserves support when life feels heavy, and therapy is one way to access that without holding back or feeling like a burden.

Connect With Others Who Understand

One of the hardest parts of struggling with infertility is feeling like no one around you gets what you’re going through. Even the kindest friends or caring family members might say unhelpful things, especially if they haven’t faced the same reality. That’s why finding a community of people who’ve walked a similar path can make a real difference.

Support groups, whether in person or online, can give you a place where you don’t have to explain everything. You might be surprised at how comforting it is to read someone else’s words and realize you’ve thought the same thing. Sharing stories, talking about what’s helped, or even just sitting in silence with others who know the weight of this experience can be supportive in ways that regular conversations often aren’t.

Here are a few ways to find those spaces:

- Search for infertility or TTC (trying to conceive) forums with active conversations

- Ask your therapist for recommendations on group support options

- Look for local peer groups—your medical provider or community center might know where to start

- Follow social media accounts that focus on reproductive mental health and engage with comment threads

- Try out a few different styles (message boards, group chats, weekly video meetings) to see what feels most comfortable

If even one connection feels real and helpful, it can shift how alone you feel in this process. You’re allowed to ask for comfort and community, and it's okay to receive it in small, quiet ways.

Build a Self-Care Plan That Grounds You

Building a daily or weekly rhythm that supports your mental health doesn’t need to be fancy or time-consuming. Sometimes it’s as simple as doing three small things that help your body feel safe and your mind feel supported. Self-care doesn’t mean bubble baths and scented candles unless, of course, that’s what works for you. Instead, think of it like creating a toolkit that helps you feel a little more steady when things feel uncertain.

You can begin by writing down which activities help you feel calm or centered. Then track how often you do them and how they impact your mood. That awareness can help you make adjustments over time.

Here are a few approachable ideas to add to your plan:

- Wake up 15 minutes earlier to sit quietly with a cup of tea and breathe

- Move your body in a way that feels natural—stretching, walking, dancing to music

- Set a screen-free hour each evening and replace it with reading or journaling

- Cook or prep simple meals that nourish without overwhelming you

- Say no to one thing this week that drains you, even if it’s small

You don’t have to overhaul your life or make big changes all at once. Even one consistent habit can feel like a small promise you’re keeping to support yourself day by day.

Keeping Hope in Your Pocket

While infertility can bring pain and disappointment, it can also open space to learn more about yourself—your strength, your limits, your needs. It may not feel like it right now, but your future is still wide open. The journey looks different for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. Small signs of progress count. So do small moments of peace, clarity, or laughter.

You might go through periods where things feel still, and then something shifts. That shift can be internal—a slightly lighter mood, a clearer thought, a deeper breath. As you keep going, those shifts matter. They may become the building blocks of how you carry hope with you, instead of waiting for it to arrive later.

Celebrating progress, no matter how small, builds confidence. Maybe that means going to your first therapy session, or maybe it’s returning for your sixth one. Maybe it's writing in your journal after weeks of stopping. Each step forward deserves acknowledgment, even if it's quiet. You're allowed to feel proud for continuing—even when it doesn’t feel easy.

Whatever path you're on, it doesn’t have to be walked alone. It’s okay to need help figuring things out. It’s okay to ask for support along the way. Most of all, it’s okay to believe that with time, care, and guidance, things might feel lighter again.

Remember, taking care of your mental health is an important part of moving through the experience of infertility. When you feel ready to explore steady, supportive care, Nurture Therapy is here to walk with you. Learn more about how our individual therapy can help you process emotions and feel more grounded as you move forward.